Worldwide Mom’s Day of Prayer Update
March 31, 2009
Do you ever want to give up?
God put it HEAVILY on my heart to ask a very special mom
and friend to share her heart with us about why she does not
give up praying. Colleen Nick is a mom whose 6 year-old daughter,
Morgan, was kidnapped from a ballpark in Alma, Arkansas 14 years
ago. Colleen, I thank you from the depths of my heart........
Kathy
To Pray Or Not To Pray?
My friend recently asked me, “Why do you continue to pray for your children when you aren’t seeing the answers? Why don’t you give up?”
The answer is not quick or easy. The answer itself is more of a question~“Am I committed beyond the current sorrow in my life?”
I have long found my answer in the book of Samuel.
1 Samuel 1:9-18
At Shiloh, Hannah went over to the Tabernacle after supper to pray to the Lord. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: “O Lord Almighty, if you will look down upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.”
We see that Hannah’s heart was broken and that is why she was in deep anguish & sorrow, and was weeping bitterly at the Temple. We see that God’s promise to her was clear, and that she went back home expecting to conceive the child that she had longed for, had dreamt about, had already been picking out names for. She had already imagined this precious baby nestled in her arms. She could already smell that heavenly scent that only babies have. She envisioned those tiny fingers curled around hers. She may have already prepared some tiny outfits, a pair of tiny booties, perhaps even a hat to keep that little head warm. She may have desired a boy more than a girl, since this would reflect well upon her husband. Or maybe in her heart of hearts, she wanted a sweet baby daughter who would grow into a woman and a friend. Only Hannah really knew all those things. Only she can answer those questions. But the one answer that I do have is that she desired a baby with everything within her. And she was willing to go into the Temple alone to plead with God. And she was willing to be chastised by the Priest for behavior that she had not taken part in. I know that Hannah was committed to staying in the presence of God until He answered her prayers.
After Samuels birth, I wonder if Hannah thought about the promise she made? Or did she push it to the back of her mind, saying to herself that it was three or four years away, that Samuel would not be weaned until he was at least three, maybe four years old, and that she did not have to think about it right now? I wonder if the time slipped by as time often does and if Hannah grew more comfortable and began to breathe more easily as Samuel continued to grow under her care.
- Was she dreading every footstep that brought them closer to the Temple entrance? And I wonder – had Hannah been talking to Samuel about this day for his entire short life? Or did she just bring this up a week ago? Or maybe just yesterday? How do you find the words to tell your tiny son that you are going to leave him in this place with complete strangers, and that he cannot go home with you?
Did Hannah feel angry at God about this unsolicited promise that she made to him?
Hannah’s heart had been wrapped around this baby who had been conceived in prayer. Her prayers. Prayers prayed faithfully and with great expectation. Had her prayers brought this terrible day? If she had known that this was the outcome would she have changed her prayers that day in the Temple, not willing to face that these prayers of faith might bring terrible pain?
The Bible only recounts the facts at this point, not the emotions.
This is the moment she has dreaded. The one where she takes her hand from Samuel’s tiny one. This is the moment that she holds him so tightly against her; he feels he cannot get his breath. She inhales the scent of his hair and caresses his baby cheeks. As she looks deeply into his eyes, her heart cries out with all its might, “Please don’t forget about me! Please, please understand why I am leaving you here! I love you so much! Please forgive me. I am not abandoning you!!! I’m not! I made a promise to God that I must keep….”
The moment of the tears, running down her face thick and hot, so many that she can barely see Samuel as he finally realizes that his mother is leaving him. Wishing that she could not see his bottom lip begin to quiver. Anguish filling her heart as his tears match her own in intensity. Two hearts breaking in unison as she must turn and walk away. His cries filling her ears as the hands of a priest, perhaps even Eli, restrain him so that he cannot run to her. His wails are all that she hears.
And sorrow, so massive that it cannot be measured, sweeps her to the depths of her very soul.
And the thought that it wasn’t too late! She could run back and snatch Samuel to her! She would lay his head against her heart so he could hear it beating and she would promise him that she would never, ever leave him again. She would proclaim her boundless love for him.
Who would blame her? Rightfully she could have insisted that God had never asked this thing of her. She had volunteered. She had been carried away in the middle of her grief and longing for a baby, and had made a rash promise that no one could possibly have expected her to keep. Her friends would have certainly understood her reversal on the promise. Her extended family would be thrilled to know that Samuel was returning home to them where he belonged.
With great personal pain and anguish, Hannah chose obedience.
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Because of Hannah’s obedience, her nation and the entire world have been affected and changed. Yet Hannah would never know that these things would come to pass. She could not begin to comprehend what God would do with Samuel’s life. At that moment she didn’t care that God would bless her abundantly with babies. She did not see the big picture God had planned for Samuel, or the end result. All she knew was that God was asking her to do the unthinkable. And she did. 1 Samuel 2:1 Then Hannah prayed: “My heart rejoices in the Lord! Oh, how the Lord has blessed me!”…….
Hanna rejoiced….Without the big picture. Without the end of the story. With Sorrow.
Which leaves just one question?
Am I committed past sorrow?
My prayers continue to pound heaven for the lives and salvation of my children. I have asked myself if I am willing to persevere in prayer when my heart is so broken and filled with sorrow. Is there a time to finally throw in the towel? Can God really expect me to assault heaven with petitions that seem to go completely unanswered? I believe the answer is yes. The Bible is full of stories of regular people who stayed true, and believed, and sweated, and cried, and prayed ~ and they never saw the answer to their prayers. It was future generations who witnessed the answers.
- I will not hand over to the enemy the futures that God has planned for my children.
The very best I can do for my children is to become still and quiet before God, to walk in His soothing grace, to be committed past whatever pain I am facing in my life and to pray without ceasing for my precious children. The question I was asked was “Why keep praying for your children?”
My answer is simple. Why not?
Colleen Nick
